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Questions
to Consider
Below
are a few thoughts for you and your partner to consider and discuss before
committing to marriage. Answer the following questions for yourself, as
honestly as you can. Take as
much time as necessary to consider each issue fully as well as your
responses and reactions. Share the exercise with your partner and allow
him or her to consider it privately. Schedule a time and place to discuss
your responses honestly with one another in an environment that is free
from distractions and stress.
- Why
am I getting married? Why am I choosing to share my life, my
resources, and my dreams with this particular person? What has brought
me to this point in my life? How is my life (how am I ) different,
better, because of my partner?
- Do
my parents, friends, peers, or co-workers support my choice or are
they concerned for my welfare? How do I feel about their apprehension?
Have I really made a good choice for myself or have I compromised my
values because I think I can change my future spouse?
- How
do I define commitment? Do I have a role model to follow who helps me
see how to navigate through the tough times? What do I expect to
change after the wedding?
- How
do I handle conflict? Am I willing to face the situation and discuss
options, or do I ignore the facts and hope they will go away? Can I
express my anger or disappointment with my partner and can we reach a
compromise? Can we come to an agreement about how to deal with our
problems—a way to communicate that does not include violence,
put-downs, or walking away without resolving the issues?
- What
are our common goals and dreams? Where will we live? How many children
do we want? Who will clean the toilet and take out the trash? Who will
handle the money? How many credit cards will we have? How much money
will we save from each paycheck? What color will the bedroom be? Where
will we spend the holidays?
- What
kind of marriage relationship do I want? How happy am I in this
relationship? Who is responsible for my happiness? How much fun do we
have on our dates? Do I have fond memories of our courtship?
- Co-Habitation--How
is it working? Click
here for a link to USA Today's website for an article on
co-habitation today. For a downloadable page on our website,
click here.
Take
Your Time
Slowing
down and taking the time to consider these and other topics inherent to
marriage will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses of your
current relationship. Do not be afraid or unwilling to take more time to
find answers to the questions, concerns or issues that emerge before you
marry. Consider investing time
and energy in meeting with a professional trained the area of marriage and
family counseling to get the tools and information needed to build a
strong relationship that will last a lifetime!
References
Johnson
,
M.P.
, Caughlin,
J.P.
, &
Huston
T.L.
(1999). The tripartite nature of marital
commitment: Personal, moral and structural reasons to stay married. Journal
of Marriage and the Family, 61, 160-177.
Larson
,
J.H.
(2000). Should We Stay Together?
San Francisco
: Jossey-Bass.
Sabourin,
S. (1999). Personality and marital adjustment: Utility of the five-factor
model of personality. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 61,
651-660.
Surra
,
C.A.
, &
Hughes
,
D.K.
(1997). Commitment processes in accounts
of the development of premarital relationships. Journal of Marriage and
the Family, 59, 5-21.
For
more helpful information, please visit the Human Development and Family
Life website at: http://www.hec.ohio-state.edu/famlife/
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